BFL: Week 4

AND THEN THERE WERE FIVE………….

Only five teams now remain after a semi-eventful episode of The Bachelor. Juan Last Rose has been officially eliminated from the competition by having all three of his girls sent packing by the great Juan Pablo. This is for you:
Now onto last night’s episode…
There were NO points scored till the 30min mark which was Kat crying over something unimportant. {Best guess was she loved dancing so much and loved Juan Pablo so much and wanted them to make little dancing babies together who spoke broken English}. For this, she was awarded the first point of the evening. (+1pt) 
The girls were jetted off to South Korea because ABC had run out of things for them to do at the giant mansion they were staying in. During this excursion, there was to be two group dates with a Juan-on-Juan date sandwiched in-between. On the first group date, the girls were whisked away to meet the K-pop megastars 2en1 (pronounced 21) who ABC much own stock in because at every possible moment they were instructed to inform us that they were THE biggest K-pop music stars on the market today. 
They are catchy I must admit. The above video does them some justice because it’s unlike most K-pop out there, but they are in now way THE biggest group. 
Sidenote: I don’t consider myself an expert by any means, but my time in the Korean community has taught me quite a bit about K-pop and frankly, I love every bit of it! With that being said, GIRLS GENERATION is clearly THE biggest K-pop group in my opinion so pump the brakes 2en1…
Let GG show you how it’s done. *fast forward to the 1:10min mark*

Alright, where was I? 
Right, Juan Pablo and his minions of body spray. 
The girls were tasked with dancing with 2en1 and Kat, being a “former dancer{read into that all you want} chose this moment to shine above all the rest by strutting her best moves, while nurse Nikki on the other hand, did not. Nikki was clearly out of her element and had no problem telling everyone who would listen and when each girl was asked to dance in front of the group she did what any privileged-white-Southern-girl-who-attended-wine-mixers-with-her-sorority-in-college-that-played-music-that-only-required-her-to-sway-from-side-to-side-without-spilling-her-Merlot-onto-the-newly-purchased-shag-carpet-from-her-house-mother would do……..the sprinkler and running man. (face slap). Needless to say, for nurse Nikki’s brave display of stereotypical dancing she received a pre-rose ceremony rose (+5pts)
Sharleen got the Juan-on-Juan date which was spent wisely at a tea garden various other planned locations by the producers. This proved to be a hilarious point in the episode because Sharleen made it very clear in the talking head portions that she was actually surprised that she and Juan Pablo had things in common and that their conversation was deeper than she had imagined it would be. 
Bachelor translation: He’s smarter than he looks and I might rethink packing my things and leaving the show. She wasn’t here for the “right reasons” aka to get 15min. of fame and fall in fake love. Sharleen was here to actually FIND LOVE. Weird.
Of course she got a pre-rose and a little smooch action as well. This time, it wasn’t weird, but as normal as you could get with Juan Pablo which is not saying much. 
On the second group date, the girls went out on the town to get fish manicures and taste the local street vendor cuisine (classy)
**JEALOUSY ALERT**
Clare is territorial and is trying to separate herself from the other semi-buzzed middle-aged women posing as twenty-somethings. She is doing this by simply always trying to be around Juan Pablo and involved in every single conversation any of the girls are having. The truth is ABC needs girls like Clare to keep this Bachelor wheel turning. She is the pot stirrer, the mischievous blonde who always has to know everyone’s business, the one girl in the house that questions the other girl’s motives for being on the show. A true patriot of The Bachelor franchise. However, her one weakness; weird food. Juan Pablo knows this and now the girls do to…..it’s ON! Of course this resulted in her eating something so weird that she threw up in her mouth afterwards and swallowed it again so no one would see it. I’m talking something SOOO STRANGE it can only be found in almost every Italian restaurant in America and elsewhere. Something known as……octopus….yes, COOKED octopus. OH MY! 
Why do I bring this up? 
Because it led to the single greatest quote on The Bachelor thus far; behold the wisdom of crazy-eyed Kelly towards Clare.
Genius is it not?
That night Clare continued to call out nurse Nikki after being boob-blocked (yes, it’s a thing) during her time with Juan. Some tension is starting to come to a slow boil which will make for some delicious jealousy stew. MmmmmmmHmmmm
During the rose ceremony, Chris Harrison reminded the group that whoever loses has a 12hr plane ride back home. Classy Chris. Just classy. With that being said, Juan Pablo, who I still believe is being fed the girls names through his earpiece, chose to send Elise and Lauren S. packing. 
*Fan Theory* 
What if Elise and Lauren S. were told they were getting on a plane to head back home when in truth they landed in North Korea (yes, THAT North Korea)? It could happen. I mean, why would we need them back in America? They’ve paid their debt to society by appearing on this show. Time to do your time in a Communist country. ammiright???
And so, another episode comes to a close as well as a chapter in the BFL. Juan Last Rose, you will be sorely missed. Your draft strategy was just TOO NORMAL and you paid the ultimate price for it. You are now officially given the role of “Official Tweet Master and Scorekeeper.” Good Luck. 
Parting thought: Does anyone realize that Danielle is still on this show? She was on the first group date, but did not say a WORD. She managed to slyly squeeze through the rose ceremony and was able to avoid any Clare/nurseNikki/Kat drama without a scratch (#Katfight if it ever happens. You’ve been put on notice.) Why is she still on this show? 
The latest standings if you’re still reading:

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